Darkseid in Love

I'm currently watching an episode of Superfriends. Here's a plot summary as I watch:

The space shuttle, piloted by Colonel Steve Trevor - and only by Colonel Steve Trevor, is captured by a Boom Tube and brought to Apokolips. The Colonel is captured and brought before Great Darkseid, God-Lord of all Apokolips. The One who makes universes tremble.

Darkseid: "So. This is the mortal that Wonder Woman prefers over me!"

(It was about here where I started laughing. I haven't stopped yet. Feel free to join me.)

Kalibak - Kalibak, mind you, uses a "molecular re-configurator" to change Darkseid - Darkseid (God-Lord of all Apokolips. The One who makes universes tremble.), mind you - into a duplicate of Steve Trevor and then Boom Tube's himself and the shuttle back into space just outside of the Superfriends' satellite. They rescue the shuttle and get it to earth. Wonder Woman is relieved.

(Keep on smiling. Go with it.)

Excerpts from "Steve's" subsequent explanation and following days' debriefing:

"Excellent. The Fools."

"You doubt my story?!?"

To Diana Prince: "By the way, I'm expecting Wonder Woman to drop by this evening. See to it that she waits in my office until I return!"

Wonder Woman goes to talk with "Steve" about his recent behavior, walks in on him as he's directing some parademons to switch a satellite, and gets captured. Batman breaks in, having figured it out, but is unable to stop "Steve" from escaping with Wonder Woman through a Boom Tube.

(Pretty good, huh?)

The Superfriends discuss strategy while cleaning up the mess "Steve" made during his escape. Seriously, they clean up. Firestorm uses his powers to fix a table. Superman uprights a bookshelf. Robin places a lamp.

Batman gets all suspicious-like as to why Darkseid left when he did, and gets that finger-on-the-chin "hmmmm...." look as the substitute satellite is loaded onto the rocket.

Meanwhile, on Apokolips, Darkseid - having both Wonder Woman and the real Steve Trevor before him in chains - explains his entire plot. 'Cause, well... that's what you do!

The plot? Seems like the substitute satellite is actually a great big molecular re-configurator that, when placed in orbit, will transform the population of earth into parademons.

(Scratching your head? Me too. Just laugh.. it helps.)

Steve gives us the ol' "Monster! You'll never get away with this!" which follows with Darkseid using the molecular re-configurator to change him into a monkey-man. Steve, not Darkseid. That would be silly.

Darkseid: "How do you like your boyfriend now?"

(Just keep laughing.)

Wonder Woman actually doesn't much like it, thank you very much, and breaks out of her chains only to be turned into glass by the same molecular re-do-hickey.

Meanwhile, the other Superfriends break into the sewers of Apokolips and make their way to the trash dump. There they find the monkey-Colonel, who's been put to work sorting through recyclables apparently. They free him and make their way to Dessad's lab, stopping to notice a Wonder Woman statue being moved by Kalibak.

Robin: "Why would Darkseid have a stature of Wonder Woman? That's weird!"

(It sure is, Robin. It sure is.)

They figure it out with the help of some Monkey-Astronaut grunting, grab the statue and a Mother Box from Kalibak. Or rather, a "Porthole generator."

They then teleport into Desaad's lab, use the matter changer thingee to change WW and Monkey-boy back to normal, use the porthole box to move the satellite over Apokolips where it blows up some stuff (?), and then escape back to earth. Darkseid yells, "Noooo!" and we're all good.

Except that Steve points out that Darkseid still has the original satellite and they really should try to get it back.

Batman: "Darkseid will never expect two visits in one day!"
Cyborg: (Hand to the side of his face) "Oh, no! Here we go again!"

End scene.

Wow. Just.. wow. This has got to be the worst interpretation of Fourth World characters I've ever seen. Yes, I know it's a kiddie cartoon.. but.. just wow.

I was laughing to keep from crying.

Still.. it was funny.


SallyP said...

You know, just because you are presumably writing for kids, doesn't mean that you have to assume that they are morons.

Darseid and Wonder Woman eh? Rather a strange combination!

Anonymous said...

Robin: "Why would Darkseid have a stature of Wonder Woman? That's weird!"

I have a statue of Wonder Woman. Wait, a Real Doll is considered a statue, right?

FoldedSoup said...

Haha, Anon!

That makes ya think, doesn't it? There's an incredible marketing opportunity in Super-Hero Real Dolls. A pre-defined fanbase. Scads of money. Makes ya think.

...and it's not like it's something Stan Lee wouldn't merchandise, is it?

Let's pitch it to him. Maybe we'll get some prototypes..

(Hmmm.. Tigra or She-Hulk....)